What are the memories you hold on to? Births, weddings, celebrations, gatherings with old friends, holidays? Probably all of the above and more. These memories are all part of what makes us who we are and we can often think they define us. Our achievements, our happiest times.
But, and of course you knew there was a BUT coming, they’re not really what really defines us, they’re just what we choose to prioritise because they make us feel good. What really defines us, makes us who we truly are, is how we deal with the difficult things, especially those that impact us when we’re not necessarily in control.
These life experiences do more to reveal to us what we’re capable of and, perhaps, what our weaknesses are, than any of the happy times shaped by our own actions. So while we absolutely should retain memories of those moments in life that truly lift us up, we should also retain memories of times that were difficult, times where, in the moment, we were low but the outcome was that we overcame what we faced.
Giving equal status in our lives to both the positive and the negative is simply about accepting that’s what life is! If we try to shut out the bad times, pretend they didn’t happen, then we’re living in a fantasy. But it can be difficult to make this shift because it means uncomfortable experiences.
Maybe (like me) you don’t like going to the dentist. It could lead you to avoid going to the dentist, when the actual best thing to do is to face your fear and go. When you go, yes you’re not at ease but you come out the other side, you survive it. But the real value is that you’ve learned HOW to get through that situation.
OK, so six months later you’ll need to do it all again and, maybe, learn a new trick to keep you calm in that chair this time. But the key thing is that you’ll go there with the memory that you managed to endure it last time and THAT’s what helps you.
The simple fact is that we learn by doing, so while naturally we may choose to discard the experiences that didn’t bring us pleasure, really we should retain them all and simply compartmentalise them so that we can draw on our experiences to help us in the future.
So what does all this mean in a Sport Waking context? Well, it’s about learning to deal with difficulties we might face when out Sport Walking, whether that’s in a challenge situation or simply as a part of a walking workout but also, it’s about the wider issue of negative thinking.
You may think that negative thinking and resilience to difficulties are completely separate but in fact they’re linked quite closely. If you have a propensity for negative thinking, you’ll approach any difficulty you experience in your Sport Walking in a largely negative way, which can make the outcome less positive than it might be or needs to be.
Also, if you only value and retain the positive experiences, this can, over time, lead you to build up an aversion to anything not on that list. You value the good stuff but the other stuff isn’t in your orbit and that can mean you take a wholly negative view of it if you encounter it again.
In Sport Walking, negative thinking can be really destabilising. It’s all about belief and negative thinking means self limiting beliefs. A belief that, fundamentally, you’re not capable.
This isn’t necessarily an active belief, in fact more often than not, it’s entirely subliminal, which can be even more detrimental because you don’t even reach the point where you actively decide that you’re not up to it, the possibility that you are doesn’t even enter your thought process.
So negative thinking can be a continual fluid state of mind, not a binary choice when faced with difficulties and you may not even be aware of it. Aversions can develop over many decades and become so ingrained that they’re hard to shift. But shift them you can, if you first understand your natural inclinations, secondly be honest with yourself and accept that things are as they are and then lastly, gradually exposure yourself to the things that test you and which you don’t like, so you can develop resilience.
Step one – understanding your natural inclinations and recognising the negative ones as negative, is arguably the most important and the most valuable change you can make because most things after that point are about process, whereas this one feels more visceral.
If you don’t acknowledge or even don’t know that you have a propensity for negative thinking, how can you ever do anything to change that? The simplest way to break the spell of your own mindset is to start questioning your assumptions in everyday life and to start noticing when you tend towards avoidance rather than engagement.
Whenever you make a choice or have to take a position on something, just ask yourself, “am I seeing this from an impartial viewpoint or from a negative viewpoint?” It’s not about necessarily changing your view of that thing in that moment, it’s solely about you recognising when you’re automatically adopting a negative position.
A great example would be if someone invited you to go and watch a genre of film that you wouldn’t normally wish to see. If you have a completely neutral and open approach, you’d probably focus on how nice it is that they asked you and that it would be great to spend some time together. But if negative thinking tends to hold sway over you more, you might think that you don’t like those types of films and therefore you have no interest in seeing one, so you’ll most likely make your excuses and not go.
This isn’t about whether you’re a good friend, have prejudices against particular film types or are fearful of things you’re not used to. It’s simply that the voice inside you saying “this isn’t something I like” – your negative voice – is in control.
If you were to go see this film, you might just discover that it was actually quite good and, while you may not become a convert to the genre, you at least would have have a really nice shared experience with your friend.
Now, of course, this example is completely detached from the kind of scenarios we might encounter as Sport Walkers and if you do suffer from a propensity for negative thinking, the kind of situations you might find yourself avoiding would be very different to this but it’s about the principle of first identifying where your comfort zone lies, then working to find a way to move outside of it while still feeling in control.
Step two – do something about it. There are so many causes of and reasons for negative thinking and we’re certainly not going to suggest we have all the answers and can fully explain the different underlying causes in this article. But there is a simple and effective way to combat negative thinking in a Sport Walking context and that is what we call ‘believing by doing’.
While it’s great to get to the root of the issue and resolve the bigger problem, that can take a long time, so if you can make progress in one area, what you learn from that can then translate into other things and this can help you make the ‘macro’ change.
So in a Sport Walking context, if you suffer from negative thinking, this is most likely going to either prevent you from doing something you’re actually capable of entirely or it’s going to affect your level of achievement because you take an overly cautious approach.
The second of these is more pernicious because it doesn’t stop you from doing something, it affects your performance while you do it, meaning that you maybe miss out on a goal or fail to complete a route in time. Actually doing but failing can feel worse and affect your confidence more than not stepping up to the start in the first place, so while both examples need addressing if you’re to be free to get the most out of yourself it’s the second that you want to be really attuned to.
There’s no quick fix but the simple solution is to actively and repeatedly expose yourself to the very thing you’re fearful of, don’t like or have a sense that you’re not capable of. No amount of positive self talk will convince you as effectively as doing something and then realising it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be.
The end point is to achieve self belief in this area and that can only come by doing the thing and increasingly feeling that you have mastery over it.
We have a saying at Sport Walk you’ve maybe heard a number of times: “Do what you don’t like. Learn that it didn’t kill you. Do it again. Learn that it’s not so bad. Do it again. Learn that you’ve got more important things to worry about and just get on with it”.
Now this might seem a bit flippant and we’re not saying that it’s as quick and easy as that but the principle is just as simple. Face what you don’t enjoy or lack the confidence to perform well at and take note of the outcome. If you live to tell the tale, then maybe it’s not so bad after all.
And if it’s not so bad, perhaps you can find a way to at least tolerate it and, maybe after a while, actively accept it, in the knowledge that it will increase your opportunities for self improvement and give you meaningful experiences.
We could give you a few specific examples but really and truly you can apply this principle to any situation, any aversion, any level of negative thinking. It doesn’t matter whether you don’t think you’re strong enough or fit enough to walk a marathon or don’t want to climb your local hill because you think you’ll end up in an uncomfortable mess. What matters is that you acknowledge your aversions, recognise when you’re using them instead of reason and seek to change the situation by gradually doing the very thing you don’t like.
No one likes suffering, no one likes being out of their comfort zone, no one likes experiencing things they don’t feel positive about. But many of us are able to endure these things, not because we actively like them but because it matters more to us to be able to achieve the bigger goal and we’re prepared to suffer a little to succeed in that.
If you can make the switch and prioritise that greater achievement, you’ll be able to open up so many more opportunities and that’s in tern going to help you to see things in a different way across your whole life.